How to Talk to Somebody With a Mental Illness Without Sounding Like a Jerk

Taken from HERE

NOTE: I’m sure this doesn’t apply to all people with mental illness, but I wanted to address these things from my perspective. I am a woman with Bipolar II with Intermittent Psychosis and Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder so things will be framed in that respect, but I like to think they can apply elsewhere too. 
I am thankful for every person who attempts to understand me and what I go through. I’m not making this list to make anybody feel bad, but to make people aware of the things they say that don’t really help somebody and with explanations why. Too often when people say things like this, myself and others get annoyed and don’t provide a proper explanation as to why it’s wrong. Here are some examples with explanations:
1) “Everybody feels sad sometimes!”: Yes, this is very true. Everybody does go through periods of sadness or difficult times in their life. However, that sadness is not diagnosed as a mental illness. A mental illness that produces feelings of sadness has strict diagnostic criteria that separate it from normal emotions. By telling somebody with a mental illness that their behavior is experienced by everybody, you are delegitimizing their experience. People with mental illness (especially mood disorders) often think that they do experience the same emotional range as other people, which lead them to feel even worse when they don’t seem to cope as well as other people. They’re often surprised to find that they experience things differently than others.  If you yourself don’t suffer from a mental illness, you have no basis for comparison to say that the person isn’t experiencing something beyond the norm.
2) “But, I mean, all women are crazy. You’re not any different.”: Beyond being completely sexist, this statement is offensive because it is again delegitimizing the experiences of a mentally ill person while simultaneously saying that all women are mentally ill. A woman with a mental illness does not experience the same things as a healthy woman. And beyond that, a healthy woman is not crazy. This one just shouldn’t be said, ever.
3) Using disorder-names flippantly: You might think that by throwing around the words “schizo” or “bipolar” or “OCD” in front of your mentally-ill friend, you’ll make them feel more accepted. But honestly, you aren’t. It just makes many of us highly uncomfortable. We hear people who aren’t our friends throw these words around all the time as if it’s cool to describe yourself using somebody else’s pain. Don’t chip in.

4) Yelling at people who use disorder-names who you think is being flippant but is not: If you don’t know somebody well and they mention a disorder in a context that could possibly be flippant, don’t yell at them. They might not be acting flippant, and actually might have that disorder. For example, if somebody says, “The mess in this room is really freaking me out. I wish I didn’t have OCD,” you might assume that they’re just making a joke because you’ve heard other people do similarly (another reason to not do #3). However, they could just be expressing something that is legitimately a problem. If you’re worried, just ask, “Oh, I didn’t know you have OCD; how are you doing?.” If they don’t have it, they’ll correct you and you can feel free to tell them that their behavior is harmful. If they do have it, they will respond in turn.
5) “I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you; you’re just different.”: Would you tell somebody with cancer that there’s nothing wrong with them and that they’re just different? Of course you wouldn’t. Similarly, don’t tell somebody coping with a mental illness that that they are just “different.” While some people might like to take the approach that they have an “alternate way of thinking,” many of us don’t. We deal with something that not only makes us feel terrible day in and day out, but makes us feel misunderstood or separated from healthy people. You’re not a jerk by acknowledging the fact that we suffer from something difficult. In fact, just acknowledging us as legitimate is a huge relief, as it’s something we don’t get a lot.
6) “I don’t believe in mood disorders./Mood disorders are just a way to make people feel bad about their feelings.”: Telling somebody that you don’t believe in their disorder is something that just doesn’t need to be done, as it’s just rude. You’re free to think that, but don’t bring it up with somebody who faces a lot of pain and stigma because of their disorder. You might be of the opinion that mood disorders are over-diagnosed because our society doesn’t like expressions of emotion and wants to vilify them, and that’s fine. You know, you might even be right in a sense. However, telling this to somebody who has been diagnosed and treated for a mood disorder isn’t going to win you any points with them. If that friend brings it up, pursue it, but saying it to them yourself comes off as judgmental.
7) “I’m against the use of psychiatric medication.”: That’s your personal choice. Nobody is telling you that you must take any medication. However, for people with any severity of a mental illness, it’s not really an option. Some people choose not to take medication; that’s their right. However, as a non-mentally ill person, you don’t really have room to comment on what medications other people take as you’re not in the position of it being one of your treatment options. Many of us who are medicated know that there are risks associated with our medications, but we don’t have many other options when it comes to getting our lives on track. Judging our use of medication is not your place.
8) “I don’t think you should have kids./What if your kids get it?/How will you be able to care for another human being?”: This is something that a lot of mentally ill people, especially women, are told. It’s something that those of us who want to have kids are afraid of already without you questioning us about it. A lot of us decide not to have children, even if we want them, because we’re afraid that we’ll pass on our disorder (if it’s passable), or that we’ll make bad parents. This isn’t your life and it isn’t your concern. If you know somebody who is mentally ill with children that are being neglected, then yes, intervention is important for the sake of the children. Otherwise, don’t question somebody for their decisions in life that do not affect you. 

9)  ”I had a friend with [insert mental illness here] and they didn’t do that.”: People with mental illness, even if they have the same illness, are not all the same. Plenty of people have bipolar disorder that doesn’t present in all of the same ways, or feel the same, or have the same experiences. While knowing somebody else with a similar/the same mental illness can be helpful or educational, remember that not all people with that disorder must act the same way. We are different people with different experiences. Your friend might have had tons of sex when she was manic; your other friend might not. Neither one if them is a liar or faking or less legitimate.
10) “You seem like you have such an easy time, though!”: This is sort of a backwards compliment; it’s saying that we seem productive and well-adjusted while simultaneously casting suspicion on the severity of our illness. As before, people with mental illness present in different ways; some are able to be productive every day because of their heavily regimented lifestyle. Some are not productive despite a heavily regimented lifestyle. That doesn’t mean that one has it worse than the other; it means they’re different people who react in different ways. If you want to compliment your friend who has a mental illness about their productivity, something like, “I really admire your ability to go through hard things and still come out on top.” goes over much better.
11) “Whoa, you take lithium? Wicked!”: This fits under the category of “People Who Idealize Mental Illness As Something Cool.” Doing this in any sense is very not-okay. Mental illness is not something to idealize or fetishize; it does not make somebody cool or alternative or hardcore, it just makes their life harder than yours in that respect. Just because Nirvana wrote a song about lithium and you love Nirvana doesn’t mean that meeting a living-breathing person who takes this medication means you can be act like you’ve met Kurt Cobain himself. They’re taking this medication not to be cool, but because they’re using it to treat something that is difficult for them. Idealizing it makes you look silly.
This is by no means exhaustive or all-applicable, but I do hope that these sort of common questions can be made obvious so they can be better addressed.